Dr. Alex Packer, psychologist and the author of How Rude! A Teenagers Guide to Good Manners, Proper Behavior, and Not Grossing People Out, recommends these nine steps to set your child on the road to good etiquette:

 

1. Look for the good. Instead of pointing out all the things your child does wrong, point out what she does right. Say, \”I was so proud of you when we went to the Joneses for dinner. It was wonderful the way you served yourself when the platter passed by.\” 
2. Don\’t turn dinner into an unpleasant \”lecture time.\” That will turn kids off not only to manners, but to dinner, and to you, too. 
3. Check your own example. Don\’t show up for dinner in just your underwear unless you want your kids to do the same. 
4. Don\’t label your child as a slob. Instead, point out the behavior in a neutral, practical way. For example: \”It\’s a good idea to unfold your napkin so if food falls you won\’t stain your clothes.\” 
5. Approach manners as a game. One night a week, try to have a somewhat more formal dinner. Try dressing up, serve a special meal, and expect more formal manners. That will help improve your kids\’ social graces. 
6. Let kids know that a manners offense doesn\’t exist if there\’s nobody there to see it. If you eat mashed potatoes with your fingers, and you\’re alone, or with a friend who has agreed to suspend that manner, it\’s not a violation. 
7. Make kids part of the tradition. Invite guests over and let kids help serve hors d\’oeuvres. This helps them indirectly learn about the manners that surround eating. 
8. If you hear a burp, explain that in some cultures burping is a way of showing your appreciation, but here in America it\’s considered rude. If you were to do that in someone else\’s house, he might think you\’re a slob and may not want you to come back. 
9. Try dining out once in a while. Fast food restaurants don\’t count; dining over Styrofoam doesn\’t bring out the best in manners. And you can\’t pull someone\’s chair out for her if it\’s bolted to the floor. Try a nice restaurant and allow kids to order their own food, and assist in paying the bill and figuring out the tip.

A few Sundays ago, I was flying from Port Elizabeth to Lanseria. I was sitting on the right side of the plane and on the left side were three couples with babies, a very young baby and then two of about 10 months old. It is about these two ten month old babies and their parents I want to tell you about.  The one was sitting across the isle from me and the other one about 4 rows towards the front. This little one across the isle from me was happy and content, she had a bottle of milk to drink and at times she sucked on bilktong. She talked to all around her in her own language. The baby sitting in front of us wan crying most of time. He moved from Mom\’s lap to Dad\’s lap and was only offered orange juice. he would have a sip and then pushed it away. I had a feeling that he was been weaned from the bottle as Mom was pregnant again. The parents next to me had a peaceful but friendly attitude. I heard a firm no from them.twice and the child responded positively.   The baby in front was not happy and the reason for his unhappiness was not discovered.He cried all the way.  I was trying to think what the reasons for his very obvious unhappiness was. Could it be that he was hungry - the other one was so happy sucking and chewing on the piece of biltong. Could it be ear ache as his crying became worse when the plane started descending? Could it be air sickness? Mom\’s tummy(she was about 6 months pregnant) prevented him from sitting for too long on her lap. He often moved to Daddy. The woman next to me said this child needs a few spanks on the bum.  At one stage I wanted to get up and walk with him down the isle The parents next to me had the middle seat open while the other parents left the window seat open. I was wondering would the middle seat have done the thing, would the bottle and the biltong kept him quiet? I was so sorry for him. The one child\’s parents understood his needs while the other one was so unhappy.

Parenting is not child\’s play. I do not think that we can blame the parents for what happened. Two children of the same age can act very differently under the same circumstances. The second child\’s parents had nothing to comfort him with. They were not as well prepared for the flight as the other child\’s parents. I cannot understand why he did not have a bottle. Parents really need patience and wisdom.

The little month old baby slept through most of the flight.

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Parenting tip for to-day.

God wants men and women with a potent vision of what He wants to do with and through their lives. Parents should work with God assisting their children to find out what God\’s plan is for and with their lives.

Are you as parents encouraging and guiding your children as they discover God\’s vision for their lives? In the first place we should parent our chidren in a Godly manner. They must see Jesus in us and then we must release them to become world changers for God.  Guiding them and helping them in the ways of God and to really understand God\’s plan for their lives. May proverbs 29verse 18 be burnt in your hearts.God has a vision for your children. He has a plan for them, help them to follow that plan, by following God\’s plan for your life and gently persuade them to walk in God\’s will.

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If one tries to parent with perfection you are looking for disaster. Parents who are perfectionists and who want their children to be perfect are looking for disaster. Perfection is linked with depression, eating disorders and low self esteem.

Children must never have the idea that parents love them because they accomplish.

If a child\’s efforts to make his bed are not perfect encourage them for the effort I hear parent\’s saying look what a mess you made of your bed in stead of saying, you really made a wonderful effort. I see the duvet needs to be straightened a bit, can I help you or do you think you can do it yourself?

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Parents how oftn do you affirm or encourage your child?

Words of affirmation:

• I am so glad that you are my child.
• When God gave you to me, He gave me a precious blessing.
• You are a great child.
• Thanks for cleaning your room.
• I admire your talbe manners.
• You\’re a joy or a blessing.
• I appreciate you.
• Thanks for helping me to tidy the house before the visitors come.
• I knew you could do it.
• You look beautiful
• That was so creative.

Unfortunately parents tend to often compare siblings, demand perfection and make harsh and rash comments in anger. Parents should have a pause button. When they do slip out parents can take positive steps can take steps to prepare the damamge. It is good for child and parent if a parent can say I am sorry.

When you have visitors be a bit more understanding of your children\’s exitement.

Prepare your children for a party and what you want them to do.

Tomorrow I am going to talk on parents and perfectionism. Tuck your child into bed tonight with an extra hug and a kiss and a word of affirmation.

I read the following in Walt Larimore\’s book \”God\’s design for the Highly Healthy Child\” and I quote

\”Many of us during our childhood days were taught or cajoledto \”clean our plates\” to finish every bit - even if we were full. Given current information I\’m sure you see the wisdom of serving smaller portions and not worrying whether your children clean their platesTeaching them to eat slowly and to stop once they begin to feel full is wise parenting.

But, you may be murmuring o yourself, if I do this, they\’ll be back in the kitchen for a snack in an hour or two.

Great! Just have healthy or nutritious snacks ready for them - a sliced apple, or peeled orange, fruit and yogurt, a soy or yoghurt shake, a whole grain snack. Leave the ready made, high fat, high sugar snacks out of the picture\”. End of quote

Hint: 

•  Develop a family culture of healthy eating,
• Eat slowly. Encourage your children to chew each bite at least ten times. Start with some fun around this.
• Only have healthy snacks around the house.
• Dont make meal times war times.
• Dont force children to finish their plates, motivate them by making the food attacktive abd child friendly.
• Encourage children to dish for themselves.
• Spend quality familytime at the table.

We can help our children to eat slowly by eating slowly ourselves.

…….

Parents do your children feel safe with you? If you have two, are both of them feeling that to the same measure, or is the one an \”after thought\”  Can they still sit on your lap even though they are quit big? Do they know that you will jump in the fire for them?

Or are you forever moaning and groaning at them.

Have a good weekend! Enjoy your children!

Take time this week to spend quality time with them. Have a fun event.  

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After watching (in horror) Focus with Freek Robinson on Sunday afternoon, I decided to write a parenting hint every day. I am very conderned about to-days children mainly because of family integration and parents who do not understand their children or who lack parenting skills. Too little time for children is also a factor. Stress and depression are contributing factors.

Relationship come before rules and disciplining. I talked to a friend yesterday and she says she is going to change jobs in order for her to have more times for her two small children and it is a step don for her in her career. And I really salute her forthat. The mutual relationship in the family took precedence and she will see the fruit.

Parents it is necessary that you have a unique relationship wih each of your children. They must never feel that my Dad or mother likes my little sister more than me.   

My hint for to-day is: Take time to understand who they are, with their special interests, talents and emotional make ups. Chilkdren is into fairness and they will complain if you do not provide equal reatment. They need to trust you to love each one equally, even if the expression of that love differ somewhat according to each child\’s uniqueness and specific needs. Parent it is not about you, it is about the child. I often cry in my heart if I see a child\’s face when there is unfairness or favouring.

Love them as they are.

Remember as I said previously:  live by your values.

But be the authority figure. This provides security in the family - first love, then relationship, then values, then rules and consequences. Be consistent but fair

James Dobson writes in his book The New Dare to Discipline on page 12 in the last paragraph \”I dont beieve in parental harshness. period. Children are incredible vulnerable to rejection, ridicule, criticism and anger at home, and they deserve to grow up in an environment of safety, acceptance and warmth\’

To-day\’s hint.  

Praying for your hildren: When I am counseling parents with children with challenging behaviour, my first question is \”Can I see your knees? How much time are you spending praying?\” In South Africa children have to face a society full of crime and other problems. Our generation was not able to shape the future. Our children will have to do it. We need to raise them to take the gospel and apply its life-changing message to every area of society, fashioning a just and righteous future for all. To raise such children is more than we can do in our own strength. They need God\’s strength. We need to pray often and fervently for our children. God can also help you to solve any problem your child may esperience - heal any illness, restore the memory, build  cells etc. Also remember to pray God\’s protection over them

Peace be with you.

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Todays hint: Values are very important in parenting. Parents have to grasp how to value their children and how to teach them to value each other and other people.As we raise our children we should guide them to develop a strong and consistent character., And this we can do by modeling a Godly character to our children.

We must love and value our children and guide our tongues from hastly and negative remarks. Children must learn to be honest, loyal, have a servant\’s heart, love their neighbour, always do their best, know God and pray regularly. They cannot be this without their parent\’s living this way.

Parents must also understand the principle of fairness.I am one of these days give fairness as a hint and speak about fairness.

To give a child values we must also honour them for who they are and what they do. Children need encouragement and affirmation in order for them to develop a good self-image. If we want our children to grow up and love the Lord we need to tell them they are valuable to us and the Lord.

Parents, children are God\’s gift to us. Thy are precious to Him and they should be precious to us. We need to let them know they are valuable to us and valuable o God.