In this paper on emotional intelligence I am sharing my dream with you, a dream on how to be emotionally intelligent (a mature Christian).¼br /> ¼br /> EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE DEFINED. Emotional intelligence is that ability to recognise our own feelings and those of others, for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships. In other words it is the ability to monitor one’s own and other’s emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use the information to guide one’s thinking and actions. It is abilities distinct from, but complementary to, academic intelligence, the purely cognitive capacities measured by IQ. Many people who are book smart but lack emotional intelligence end up working for people who have lower IQs than they, but who excel in emotional intelligence skills.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to know one’s own inner world and be fully comfortable with it. It is a set of skills that leads to greater stability, better academic and professional functioning, excellent social functioning, better physical health and more personal happiness. (Information obtained from reading Daniel Coleman’s books and other resources as stated in previous documents.)
The emotional intelligent Christian is a person with joy and peace in his inner being. He has found his peace and rest in Christ. He is optimistic and sees the positive side of life.
The emotional intelligent person has a good self-image. He likes himself and he likes other people. If he is a Christian he will not exalt himself in this process. He will remain very humble.  He feels good about himself and about other people around him. . He has developed an ability to interact well with other people. He understands the win/win/ paradigm that Arnold Mol and Stephen Covey talk about. Covey says that win/win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win/win means that agreements and solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying. Win/win sees life as a cooperative and not competitive arena. A Person with emotional intelligence has come to a place where he is at peace with himself and with those around him but especially with God. .
After considering the above carefully I tried to visualize the emotionally intelligent Christian. I wrote an ideal down for myself. This is my dream for myself and I am going to share this with you.

It is for us as Christians to die to self completely and live in the will of God. This is no easy because my own wnats and needs can so easily stand between my dying to self and to really understanding God\’s will for me. It is being filled by the Holy Spirit and if you are filled anyone will be able to see that your life is being controlled by the Spirit. The Holy Spirit enriches and beautifies the life He fills. A Spirit-filled Christian will be an outspoken Christian who relies completely on the Lord.

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENT CHRISTIAN.
LOVE: LOVE THE LORD. The emotional intelligent Christian will love the Lord our God, with all his heart, his soul and spirit. He will love Him and glorify Him.
LOVE HIS BROTHER. In this respect I want to refer the reader to 1 John verse 7 “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and everyone that loveth is of born of God, and knoweth God”. John continues by saying in verse 11 that if God so loved us (to send His only Son to die for our sins on the cross) we ought also to love one anther. If I am filled with God’s Spirit I will be drenched in His love and I would be able to love my neighbour as myself. Jesus said, “Love your neighbour as yourself. I believe that if we love one another, God will dwell in us, and His love will be perfected in us. .
HE WILL BE SERVING CHRIST. Proverbs 11verse.28  “A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump; a God shaped life is a flourishing tree”. There will be a realization that it is not about me, it is about God. The E I Christian will know his purpose in life. The two main goals of our purpose on earth is 1) to glorify God by loving Him, by worshipping Him, by serving Him, by loving and serving our neighbours and 2) to spread the good news, the wonderful news that Jesus is our Lord and Saviour. Many of us claim that we are Christians but are fighting with our wives, neighbours or colleagues
LOVING KINDNESS. Jesus modeled the way for us. Like Him, we should be filled with Christ’s love and His kindness.¼br /> GRACE. Grace means giving unmerited favour. God’s grace is that show of kindness by which God bestows favours upon the ill deserving, and grants to sinners the pardon of their offences and gives them eternal salvation through Christ.  God has been and still is and always will be graceful to us as Christians. God’s grace to me is great because I am a sinner. I bathe myself in that grace. We are to stand in grace, grow in grace and be strong in grace. . Because of God’s grace, our sins are forgiven as if we have never sinned. Our wrongs are not kept against us.  It is a wonderful ability to be filled with God’s grace and if and when fellow Christians mess up, we must be graceful.
SYMPATHY AND EMPATHY. The emotional intelligent person understands the roots of empathy. Empathy builds on self-awareness. The more open we are to our own emotions, the more skilled we will be in reading other people’ s feelings, understanding other people’s feelings and acting correctly. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. One of our biggest shortcomings is, that we are listening to reply and not listening to hear. We Christians must be at peace with ourselves and other people around us. I think that if you are at peace with yourself you will live in peace with all around you.  We will then show sympathy and empathy to people in need, to all people around us.
2 Peter 2 verse 2 “”Grace and Peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord”. The emotional mature Christian will have found his peace in the Lord. He will understand his own feelings and therefore he will have an understanding of other’s feelings, hurts and needs. . He will be able to sense other’s feelings and perspectives. He will be able to show genuine interest in the other person’s concerns, problems and views. He will be a good and empathetic listener who has the ability to sense other’s development needs and can advise, coach or counsel them. It will be easy for him to walk in another person’s shoes to really understand how that person feels. He would have died to self completely and be able to give of himself.
TEMPERANCE, PATIENCE AND GODLINESS. In 2 Peter 1:4-8 we read about glory and virtue.” Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.  Add to your faith virtue; and to your virtue, knowledge; and to your knowledge, temperance:  and to temperance, patience; and to patience, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love”.
MERCY. I believe in a Jesus who is patient, who is long-suffering, who shows mercy and grace. And I want to be like Him. As He is merciful to me I must show mercy. Psalm 23 verse 6  “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
MAINTAIN GOOD RELATIONSHIPS.
EXCELLENT SOCIAL AND INTERPERSONAL SKILLS.  (Emotional Intelligence in the world) After contemplating on the emotional Christian and love I came to the conclusion that the emotional intelligent Christian will understand and experience the father’s love for him. His intra- personal relationship is in order. He talks to the Lord and tells him how much he loves him, he shares all his dreams with the Lord, he prays, yes he spends hours in prayer and read and study his bible. He is at peace with God and himself. He will be able to give love to all around because he feels secure in God’s love for him. He thus has excellent inter- personal relationships.
EMODTIONAL SELF-CONTROL. The emotional intelligent Christian will strive to be a partaker of God’s nature. He will make a serious effort to be in control of his emotions and will not allow his emotions to control him. He will use his pause button to ensure that he is in control of the situation.  The emotional intelligent person is very sensitive for other people’s feelings. It is abilities distinct from but complimentary to the purely cognitive abilities measured by I. Q.
JOYFUL GIVER. He will be a joyful giver. He will give his tithes and offerings. He will give wherever he sees a need. He will just be giving. Luke 6 verse 38 “Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.”
MATURITY .He will be a mature Christian. HE WILL BE SPIRITUALLY AND EMOTIONALLY MATURE. He will have grown up and grown out of his nappies. One grows up because you want to grow.  2 Corinthians 13verse 9:   “Our greatest wish and prayer is that you will become mature Christians”. The New Testament is very clear that God’s will for every believer is spiritual maturity. He wants us to grow up. Paul said in Ephesians 4verse14:  “That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive” Verse 15 “ But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.”   Yes fellow Christians, you find your sufficiency in the Lord.
COMMITTED, DEDICATED AND CONTROLLED BY THE SPIRIT.¼br /> COMMITMENT.  HE WILL BE COMMITTED TO THE WORK OF THE LORD; TO THE CHURCH HE BELONGS TO AND TO HIS FAMILY. .
DO ACCURATE SELF-ASSESSMENT. He will know his own strengths and limitations. With the Lord’s help and a belief in Christ and in himself he will be able to overcome many limitations. He will not be double minded. He will turn his back on his old life and not be with one foot in the world and the other in Christ. As I have stated before he will be decisive and not unsure of where he is going.
REACHING OUT FOR GOD’S BEST. The power of sin can be broken, temptations can be overcome, fear can be conquered, depression and anxieties put away, when you are in God’s complete will. The mature Christian will spend hours in prayer in order to find God’s will for his life and to make his needs and aspirations known to God and to give thanks to the Father all the time.
BLESSING. HE WILL SPEAK WORDS THAT WILL BLESS OTHERS
SELF DISCIPLINE. The emotional intelligent Christian will also have self-discipline. He will lead a well-disciplined life. He will be disciplined when spending his money, in his eating habits, when disciplining his children.
ANGER; The EI Christian, will, when he is emotionally upset or stirred, be very careful of acting quickly upon that emotion. This is the time that we will use the well-known pause button of emotional intelligence. Emotions often cloud our mind and weaken our ability to do what God expects from is, to do the godly. Don’t act hastily. Don’t loose your temper and shout, point fingers or say anything degrading, or anything that you may be sorry about.  Get calm and think it all through. The emotional intelligent person will recognize her own state of mind as well as that of the other person. The time that you take to react (that blaaskansie) means that you give the Spirit of God time to work in you, enabling you to pass over the transgression against you
       HUMBLE. Above all he wants people to see Jesus in his life. He never wants any of the glory to himself. Gal. 2: verse 20. “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me; and the life that I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself to me.” This is also true when there is conflict, hurt and anger.  Some bosses will take the work done by an employee as if he has done it all and take all the glory for himself.  Recognition should be given to the one who did the work.
      The more there is of Christ, the more His power will flow through us. God one night spoke to Smith Wiggelsworth and said I am going to burn you up completely until there is no more Wiggelsworth, only Jesus. And he replied Oh, God come and do it. I don’t want them to see me anymore, only Jesus. And this must be the heart’s cry of every Christian   none of me   all of Jesus    ¼br />         LIBERTY AND HONESTY. . 2 COR. 3 VERSE 17: “where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty”.  2 COR. 4 VERSE 2: “But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully, but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to everyman’s conscience in the sight of God”. If we are going to get the best that God has for us, there must be a spiritual desire, an open ear, and an understanding heart. We must get our revelations from the Spirit. We must be filled with the Spirit and live a Spirit filled life. Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Verse by verse this chapter must become Rema to us. It must become the reality. “Our sufficiency is from God.” We are sons of God.  2 COR.4 VERSES 7, 8 AND 9. “  But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the Excellency of the power may be of God and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not destroyed; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.”
 John 3 verse 2 and Gal 4 verse 7:  “Therefore thou art no more a servant, but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.”
 Hebrew 1:3 in the new International version says “The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of His being. Jesus showed love, kindness and mercy.” Do we have that, is it part of us? The hard words that Jesus had were for the religious leaders. If I am to become like Him, I have to see him as He is. There is so much to learn from Him in the gospels.  He met people’s needs, he related well to people. He healed the sick. He extended mercy. He was love personified. His life shows me the character of the Father. Do good to them that hate you. Can you do that?  Bless them that curse you. I pray to God that I may become more and more like Jesus, my Jesus who died on the cross for me.¼br /> MOTIVATED. Motivation forms an integral part of emotional intelligence. It will be important for him to have a vision for his own life and to share in the vision of his church. He will have clearly formulated goals and be motivated to reach these goals. He will have goals for his business, his personal life, his family and his spiritual growth. I see such a person as an involved member of a church, serving Christ and loyal to the church and the leadership. He will be goal and purpose oriented. He will be decisive on the one hand and expectant on the other hand. Most of us do not accomplish much because we do not expect to accomplish much. Our God has boundless resources. The only limit is in us. Let us decide to accomplish in our personal and spiritual life. Let us strive for excellence and be in alignment with the goals of our church specifically and with the church and Christianity in general. Obstacles and setbacks will be challenges.¼br /> Joshua made the decision and God encouraged him “There shall not be any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life, as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee, I will not fail thee nor forsake thee” To whatever degree Joshua was able to stand on God’s promises and in His love, he overcame the fears he harboured about leading the people into Canaan. We as Christians have nothing fear if we put our trust completely in the Lord.
EFFICACY. (Efficacy in a person means that you have effectiveness, efficiency and sufficiency that you have succeeded to reach your goal.) The emotional intelligent Christian   will find his efficacy (and sufficiency) in Christ.  In the theory of emotional intelligence they talk about self-efficacy, I have that same efficacy and sufficiency but I find it in my total dependence on Christ.  I have mastery over my life, but Christ has mastery over it all.  In the world they say self-efficacy is the knowledge that one has mastery over one’s life and can meet challenges as they come up. I have that knowledge that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, because I totally depend on my Saviour and my heavenly Father. I see every failure as a challenge. Jesus is my source. I can be fruitful. POTENTIAL. Christians should make a serious effort to reach their potential, to become all they are capable of becoming.
To reach our potential we have to move out of our comfort zone. This change and growth process does not happen without pain. John C. Maxwell says that the great goal of becoming what one is capable of becoming can be achieved only by those who are willing to pay the price, and the price, he says, always involves sacrifice, discomfort, unpleasantness and even pain.
The person who has this good feeling about himself, who says I can through Christ that strengthens me, in him develops a flow between emotional intelligence and peak performance. The emotional brain and the cognitive brain are in perfect flow. The cognitive brain is operating at peak efficiency and ability without any anxiety or fear and limitation. This, my brother and sister is the bottom line of emotional intelligence, this perfect flow between E Q and IQ and SQ (spiritual maturity)
OFFENCES.
 I sincerely believe that the emotional intelligent Christian must have an inner satisfaction that will prevent him from being easily offended. Unfortunately the opposite is often true and too often a Christians’ greatest drawback is that we get easily offended. We should all have a pause button for offences. This pause button should give us time to completely rid ourselves from getting offended. Years ago I got this revelation that we as Christians are hampered and limited in our spiritual growth because we get so easily offended. I still see it happening and it often influences the spiritual growth in a specific church.  It is as if some members are sitting and waiting for the next offence to happen. We should all take the decision brother and sister, “ I will not be offended”. And “I will try not to offend and hurt other people. I am not important. I will not exalt myself and put the other one down.” I think that in our church we have outgrown this, we have matured beyond this. There is no place for pettiness in a Christian’s life.  It is important for all Christians to come to a place where they will be assertive and will say but what you are saying is hurting me, you are patronizing me.  Do you really mean it, as I understand it? I think you are a bit unfair. At the same time we must not be easily hurt while on the other hand be watchful for another person’s hurts. It should become every Christian’s serious intention not to hurt other Christians and to have lots of patience with each other. Let us have spiritual and emotional maturity.
THE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENT CHRISTIAN AND THE FAMILY.  Jeff van Vonderen writes the following about the family “ By God’s design, the primary channel for learning one’s identity, for having needs met, for understanding who God is, and for developing relationships, is the family.  In families we can acquire a deeply ingrained sense of defectiveness and never measuring up – or we can develop the inner strength and outside skills to fully function as healthy human beings.   Family members must feel that they are loved, accepted, capable, valuable and supported. In this family there will be an environment of empowering, of loving and kind relationships and members will be spiritually, emotionally and physically healthy.  Mothers and fathers will love each other, will cleave to each other, the Dad will be the priest and take responsibility for the well being of every family member. He will love his wife as Jesus loved the church. Parents will lay a firm foundation for their children’s faith through passing on the truths of God’s Word through all the stages of childhood.  The child who is loved intimately from the day he is born will be far more secure than the rejected or neglected child.
CHURCH. The Christian with EI will belong to a church. He will be actively participating in a bible teaching church because in it is many safeguards against the erosion of the family. In a church the people are trained in the principles of happy family living. The church will help the parents and the children mature spiritually. I see in the church that I am attending, the spiritual growth of the youth for instance. I see how they one by one find their own identity in Christ, how the youth leaders help them and guide them and train them. The youth leaders are a couple who started dating in our church, who got engaged and married in our church and who are now expecting their first baby. The pastors sown into their lives and in return this couple has sown many positive seeds into our young people. In a church every member’s spiritual life can be nurtured. It is for you to decide whether you want it¼br />  CONCLUSION
 Dear Christian friend, my last wish for me and for you is that we will be completely and totally committed to Christ.  I LOVE Him so much. He is my Saviour.
 I   believe “Our God is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we can ask or think, according to the power within us”. He is my provider. He is omnipotent. He is the Almighty, the All -Powerful One. He is both the Eternal and the Resurrected One.   With my life I want to Glorify Him and I challenge you to do the same.  And a special challenge to every parent.
¼br /> ¼br /> Š

I have a message for you to day, especially for those who say I have been thrown into the deep end. The only person who can stop you from reaching your potential, from becoming the person God intended you to become, the manager you should be and success,
 is you.  If you have accepted a manager’s post you have accepted the responsibility to succeed.¼br /> ¼br /> My first advice to you as a person in a manager’s post is accept your role as manager with all its functions and responsibilities.
¼br />  We must learn to be a leader before we can be a successful manager. . There is this chain reaction. You must be a good follower before you can become a good leader, then you must be a good leader before you can become a good manager.
¼br /> Lead your people, show them your vision, guide them, take good care of them, protect them and I can guarantee you that they will do their best and take good care of you. Don’t sit on a high throne when you are on the top. Highly motivated employees with the right vision, good communication and great tools will do their best to make the team succeed.  Learn and understand the principal of joint decision-making.¼br /> ¼br /> Have confidence in your people and let them do their job. Hiring the right person for each job and inspiring trust and loyalty in all of them.  If you hired the wrong person who is not qualified for the job, who is not honest, trustworthy and loyal then you are in big trouble..
¼br /> To be successful in today’s world, the manager must fulfill a contemporary role – that of a human development specialist. It has much to do with a mature personality. People are productive, creative and internally motivated to the extent that they have matured. .
¼br /> MANAGING YOURSELF
Before we can help others to develop into a mature personality we have to look at ourselves.
¼br /> Growth is at the heart of a real manager development effort. The more realistic your view is of yourself, the more guaranteed is personal effectiveness. . I have learnt that there is a  ladder of growth until the responsible level is reached where the manager is responsible, mature and emotional intelligent. As a person matures she spends more and more time at the upper levels of the ladder.
¼br /> Level 1 – Remain detached.
 The people at this level remain uninvolved with the people they work with and often with the job itself. They do the tasks that come up but do not take full responsibility for the management task they are responsible for. They do not adapt well to new situations and fear change. They often repeat the same mistakes and tell you that they are exhausted and not coping with the job. Their feelings of powerlessness are reinforced since others see them as incapable, inefficient and ineffective.
¼br />  Level 2 – Blaming others
As young children many people learn to protect themselves by blaming other people or circumstances when things go wrong. Unfortunately many adults continue to operate at this level. They so firmly believe that external events or other people are the cause of their misery that they continue to adhere to such notions even when positive opportunities for change are available.
¼br /> At this level managers project their own feelings of inadequacy onto others.  They blame staff members and use fear as a primary motivation to run their departments or their society. They are inclined to be authoritarian and often assume that staff members are basically lazy and stupid and must be coerced into productivity. Because staff members resent such treatment instead of growing and developing they also start defending themselves and blaming others.
¼br /> Level 3.  The “pleasing” level
Managers on the conformist level place great emphasis on being liked by others. They like to play it safe. The office of such a manager is often not as productive as it should be because this person cannot confront people or address problem behaviour or inadequacies.
¼br /> Level 4.  The accomplishment level.
These managers strive to achieve in order to get approval. They are productive, goal oriented and meet deadlines. They work under a great deal of pressure and put pressure and often too much pressure on the people working with them. Some of these people at achievement/accomplishment  level are not good planners and must often get a job well done in a short period of time. They end up creating a crisis situation for themselves and the persons working close to them. They do not share information easily. They gather information from everybody and everywhere but keep certain important information to themselves.
They change decisions as it suits them and upset people working with them
These people do not understand principles of synergy or the principle that Arnold Moll talk about “Let us both win” They often win at other people’s cost.
¼br /> Level 5. The responsible, mature and emotionally intelligent level.
These managers like themselves and the people they work with. They are fully functional people with a high level of adaptability and creativity. If the person on top is functioning on this level the other will soon be following. The ultimate goal in any organization is to have as many people operating on this level as possible. They are very responsible people.
They are able to develop a shared vision and a strategic plan.
¼br /> These managers are effective without the undue stress evident at  level 4. They are able to make decisions and lead effectively. They provide effective feedback to staff members, by acknowledging positive performance and providing constructive feedback for negative performance. They understand the join decision-making process. Giving feedback, negotiate and renegotiate, that you must be good at. They understand the principle of joint-decision-making.
¼br /> Rather than blaming others or circumstances when they experience failure, they assume responsibility and therefore, are much more resilient. They plan well, their activities are directed and they exhibit far more energy than any other level in the accomplishment of their activities.
¼br /> They communicate very well and tend to have positive relationships with staff members and with their own superior. In their personal lives they maintain a very healthy balance with work, love and play.
¼br /> They know who they are and like themselves. They are emotionally intelligent and I am going to give you a short overview of such a person.
¼br /> Their lives and their work are well structured.
¼br /> Read the article on the emotionally intelligent leader.
¼br />

I wanted to write about the emotional intelligent Christian. To do that I studied and read many books and articles and came to the conclusion that I must first clearly understand what emotional intelligence means before I can discuss the emotional intelligent Christian. In three very short sections I want to take you on a journey where I describe my concept of:
What emotional intelligence means.
The emotional intelligent leader and
The emotional intelligent Christian.

DEFINITION
Coleman: “Emotional intelligence refers to the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships. It describes abilities distinct from, but complementary to, academic intelligence, the purely cognitive capacities measured by I Q. Many people who are book smart but lack emotional intelligence end up working for people who have lower IQ s than they, but who excel in emotional intelligence skills”. How many times I have not seen this happen in my work as a social worker, supervisor, manager and Director.

The emotional intelligent person believes there is a deep well of incredible potential within him. He also believes there is a genius within him. He likes himself and has a good self-image. Unfortunately all of us do not become all we could have been because of a lack of emotional intelligence and this belief in ourselves. With this paper on emotional intelligence my wish is to help you to become as emotional intelligent a person as you can be.

In his second book on emotional intelligence, called WORKING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Daniel Coleman also gives the following framework on emotional competence which clearly describe emotional intelligence in the workplace: (I QUOTE THIS FROM HIS BOOK) The section in the block.

PERSONAL COMPETENCE
Self-Awareness.
Knowing one’s internal preferences, resources and intuitions

Emotional awareness: Recognizing one’s emotions and their effects.
Accurate self-assessment: Knowing one’s strengths and limits.
Self-confidence: A strong sense of one’s self-worth and capabilities.
Self-regulation.
Managing one’s internal states, impulses and resources.

Self-control: Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in check.
Trustworthiness: Maintaining standards of honesty and integrity.
Conscientiousness: Taking responsibility for personal performance.
Adaptability: Flexibility in handling change.
Innovation: Being comfortable with novel ideas, approaches and new information.

Motivation.
Emotional tendencies that guide or facilitate reaching goals.
Achievement drive: Striving to improve or meet a standard of excellence
Commitment: Aligning with the goals of the group or organization.
Initiative: Readiness to act on opportunities.
Optimism: Persistence in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks.

SOCIAL COMPETENCE
These competencies determine how we handle relationships.

Empathy.
Awareness of other’s needs and concerns.

Understanding others: Sensing others’ feelings and perspectives and taking an active interest in their concerns.
Developing others: Sensing others’ development needs and bolstering their abilities.
Service orientation: Anticipating, recognizing and meeting customers’ needs
Leveraging diversity: Cultivating opportunities through different kinds of people.
Political awareness: Reading a group’s emotional currents and power relationships.
Social skills
Adeptness at inducing desirable responses in others.

Influence: Wielding effective tactics for persuasion.
Communication: Listening openly and sending convincing messages.
Conflict management: Negotiating and resolving disagreements.
Leadership: Inspiring and guiding individuals and groups.
Change catalyst: Initiating or managing change.
Building bonds: Nurturing instrumental relationships.
Collaboration and co-operation: Working with others toward shared goals.
Team capabilities: Creating group synergy in pursuing collective goals.
End of quote

During the presentation of my paper the abovementioned will be discussed in great detail. This entails brainstorm sessions, working in groups at times and alone at times.

Another aspect of emotional intelligence is a belief in one self. In my own opinion I see the emotional intelligent person as a person who is in control of his emotions but who believes that in him is a genius, and much undeveloped potential and have the desire to become great and achieve. You will become great if you have the desire, the determination, the faith and by being desperate enough to say no to the security of mediocrity. I want to prompt you into the success you are hungry for.

What other characteristics will we find in the Emotional Intelligent person ?

He is a person with a strategy and a plan for his life. You must have a purpose and be goal oriented. It is no use to believe in oneself and do nothing about it. Such person will know where he is going to and will have a plan or strategy developed.
His life will be fun-filled and full of joy.
He will understand the three sections of the brain plus the functions of the Amygdala.
It is clear from the above that the emotional intelligent person is able to understand his own emotions, recognize them, and is in control of his emotions. He does not react to situations but responds. He pushes the pause button and waits until he or she is able to respond appropriately and effectively. He endeavours to understand why the other person responded in this particular manner. To understand emotional intelligence it is important to understand the functions and workings of the Amygdala. In their book Response Ability Pathways (RAP) Larry Brendtro and Leslie du Toit describe The Triune Brain and give a very simple explanation for child care workers the functions of the Amygdala, the Survival Brain, the Emotional Brain and the Logical brain. In his 1 st book on Emotional Intelligence Coleman comprehensively describes the working of the brain. At first I did not give too much attention to this, as I did not read the sections in his book about evolution etc. The theory of the triune brain comes from the evolution theory of Paul McLeod. To study the brain and especially the functions of the Amygdala, the thalamus, the Emotional Brain and the necrotic is very important. This we will discuss in great detail. I’ve developed interesting information that is very important for social workers and child care workers. As the repository for emotional memory, the amygdala scans experience, comparing what is happening now with what happened in the past. I will leave you with this information for the time being.
He has humility. Humility is the internal quality that prefers others and exalts them, while on the other hand appraising one’s self realistically. Humility realizes that the only decent way to live is to be motivated beyond yourself: to serve and help others, to be more in the giving than the getting. When this principle becomes an inner value and is practiced with consistency, the getting will take care of itself. Humility is the opposite of pride.
The emotional intelligent person has character. Character separates the mature from the juvenile, the champion from the mediocre, the true leaders from the masses of pretenders. A man’s reputation is only what men think him to be. His character is what God knows him to be. As a man thinks in his heart so is he. He listens and communicates well to other people, especially concerning emotions and thoughts (denke).
He is adaptable and responds creatively to setbacks and obstacles. He shoulders his responsibilities. Today you can take the decision to stretch yourself to far beyond what you ever dreamt you could do. Failure will be a challenge to greater success.
Another one of his outstanding characteristic is, fairness. Favouratism is not one of his weaknesses. An emotional intelligent person is far above this. He helps other people to be fair too.
He manages himself well, has confidence, is well motivated and goal orientated. He is co-operative and works well in a team and can negotiate disagreements. This is one of his very strong points that he believes in negotiation and is able to do it effectively. He has an abundance mentality. Lets both win. People must feel that the disagreement was well handled and that they were listened to and given a chance to put their side of the issue.
Emotional intelligent people are assertive but not blaming and shaming. They also endeavour not to hurt people. They take responsibility for their emotions and their deeds. They know the values and ethics driving them and stick to them. They do not take part in office gossip, church gossip or gossip whatsoever. They take a firm stand not to listen to secrets about other people. They are open to positive criticism in the work place and in the leadership role. They have the courage to stand up against false criticism and discuss it with the giver of the criticism.
The emotional intelligent person has compassion for people.

They also eat correctly. Food has a direct impact on how you feel, on your emotions. I will attach a list of foods that every person should eat on a very regular basis. It is not meant as a medicine but for a healthy lifestyle. They exercise and look well after their bodies.
They are fruitful. They are achievers and enjoy it without too much stress. You can read more about fruitfulness in section 3, the emotional intelligent Christian.

SELF CONTROL AND THE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENT PERSON
Emotional self-regulation includes not just clamping down distress or stifling impulse; it also means intentionally eliciting an emotion, even an unpleasant one. The notion of emotional self-control does not mean denying or repressing true feelings. It does not mean the stifling of all feeling and spontaneity. Emotional competence means we have a choice in how we express our feelings. It is an emotional finesse. I am in control of my emotions. I have a pause button. . It does not take from me the right to say I feel upset with what you have said, I am angry. It is the way in which I am going to say it. I can handle disruptive emotions and impulses effectively. I can stay composed, positive and unflappable even in trying moments. I think clearly and stay focused under pressure.

A story from Coleman’s book:

Bill Gates is cross. He is in a small, crowded room at the Microsoft campus with 20 young Microsofties around an oblong table. His eyes are bulging and his oversized glasses are askew. His face is flushed and spit is flying from his mouth. Most look at him with outright fear. The sour smell of sweaty terror filled the room. While Gates continues his angry tirade, the hapless programmers fumbled and stuttered. All to no avail. Then a small, soft-spoken Chinese woman stood up. She seemed unfazed by his tantrum. She looked him in the eye and spoke softly. She interrupted his tirade twice and addressed him in quiet tones. The first time her words seemed to calm him a bit before his shouting resumed. The second time he listened in silence, thoughtfully, gazing down at the table. Then his anger suddenly vanished and he told, “Okay, this looks good. Go ahead” With that he ends the meeting.

The skill of self-control is largely invisible – it manifests largely in the absence of more obvious emotional fireworks. Signs include being unfazed under stress or handling a hostile person without lashing out in return.

The principle of staying calm despite provocation is a skill a social worker has to learn early in our professional lives. A client often provokes us and then we have to remain calm and in control.

A person with self-control shows trustworthiness and conscientiousness. Trustworthy people act ethically and are above reproach. They build trust through their reliability and authenticity. They admit their own mistakes and confront unethical actions in others. They take tough principled stands even it make them unpopular. They will take their stand in a calm soft-spoken and relaxed way but will be very firm about it. No compromise. Conscientious people meet commitments and keep promises. They hold themselves accountable for meeting their objectives. They are organized and careful in their work. They are punctual, careful in doing work, self-disciplined and scrupulous in attending to responsibilities. They follow the rules; they help out and are concerned about the people they work with. I cannot end the self-control section without mentioning the skill of innovation and adaptability. It is important for an emotional intelligent person to be innovative and adaptable.

People with innovation

Seek out fresh ideas from a wide variety of sources
Entertain original solutions to problems
Generate new ideas
Take fresh perspectives and risks in their thinking
People with adaptability
Smoothly handle multiple demands, shifting priorities, and rapid change
Adapt their responses and tactics to fit fluid circumstances
Are flexible in how they see events.